


paper doll

by tdanii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Poetry, Sad, is this fluff?, iwaoi killing me, legit just iwa's thoughts, set before the third year of aoba johsai, tissue warning sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 23:17:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tdanii/pseuds/tdanii
Summary: sometimes, i compare you akin to a paper doll,all charm and dignity containedwithin poised touches and methodical aim -whose bravado is bound freely,subject to the corners of a camera screen.but in the end you are just paper, and you crumple.





	

they call me a pillar, but i can see right through you.  
i notice things that they don’t -  
the way your hair flutters in the autumn wind,  
the way light freckles dust your cheekbones,  
the way you cry after the sob story movies that you drag me along to  
that i hate, but i come along anyway.

they don’t know how soundly the star setter sleeps, but i do.

(spread-eagled, sometimes, like you’re stretching out to infinity,  
but most of the time curled up tight as if you  
are a butterfly waiting to unfurl its wings  
and i am your tending cocoon strung together  
with layers of years of friendship.)

another thing they will never notice is how your smile  
doesn’t quite seem to reach your eyes.

that’s because they’re accustomed to it,  
and the amount of practice you’ve put into it is enough  
to pass it off as the real thing.  
i’ve been on both receiving ends,  
so i know the difference, you see.

i’ll admit that i’m not the gentlest person.  
my attempts at concern usually swing around misguided  
and bash at you in the form of threats and punches  
but please notice that usually the one hurting you the most  
is yourself.

hit it till it breaks, you say, and i wonder what you mean.

a few times have i seen you struggling in defeat  
with eyes ablaze against an inky sea far darker than our school colours-  
wading in defiant before swimming, choking, drowning.

a few times have i had my heart been broken -  
and surely that isn’t coincidence?

sometimes, i compare you akin to a paper doll,  
all charm and dignity contained  
within poised touches and methodical aim -  
whose bravado is bound freely,  
subject to the corners of a camera screen.

but in the end you are just paper, and you crumple.

irreversible, inexorable, inevitable, and so i tell myself  
that it isn’t my job to smoothen you out,  
because creases are always there to remain.

i just have to make sure you don’t shred.

besides, redemption is a goal built for a man at a time.  
(until you recognise your limitations, i’ll wait.)  
revenge, however, isn’t.  
and so is victory.

this year will be our last, and thus the one that matters most.  
so i’ve considered it my mission to ensure  
that turquoise floods the podium, replacing purple  
because even the most regal kings suffocate under the calmest seas.

perhaps triumph will taste like milk bread,  
which again, i somehow tolerate -  
as long as your eyes twinkle, it’s alright, i assume.  
i wouldn’t mind seeing galaxies.

i hope they burn especially bright the night before we graduate:  
before we part ways, with your diploma in hand,  
a certificate lined in golden band  
(and maybe my second black button, too,  
if i have the confidence.)

before we hurl black hats towards the sky  
-and watch them float-  
before touching down like crows.

because by then, win-or-lose,  
catch-and-cry,  
stitch-and-mend,

because by then, it’ll be over -  
and because by then, i’ll be gone.

(you call me iwa-chan, and i like that much better)

**Author's Note:**

> this is an early goodbye, my dear paper doll.
> 
> *it is japanese tradition for a male to give his second button from the top of his uniform to be given away to the person he loves the most. this button is closest to the heart.
> 
> honestly, iwaoi going to different universities is breAking me. i hope this gave you a little taste of my pain. feedback is appreciated - let us cry together.


End file.
